


Losing His Grip

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-21
Updated: 2008-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-08 01:41:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8825185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Sam's POV. Dream a Little Dream spoiler-ish-ness. Dedication and A/N inside.Sam's gets a look and realizes just how close he is to losing his grip.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

DEDICATION: To the amazing Drewbert… Who I have totally molded into the perfect guy… He loves Wincest and PadAckles, but is totally straight! Too bad I’m not! To you bestest bud! ::nods::

 

A/N: I know how much I suck, trust me, I am WELL AWARE!!! I knew I would have access to the internet and I forgot all of my updates. I fully expect to be beaten and left with only my computer in a dark corner. I can only hope you take pity on me so that I may retain what little knowledge I have left and remember to bring my jump drive next time. **hugs** and **fingers_crossed**

 

\-----

 

Losing his Grip

 

\-----

 

He couldn’t help but stare at the glowing woman in front of him; he knew that it was only a dream. Only a dream in his brother’s mind, only a figment of his imagination, only his subconscious… But all the same, hearing her mention Ben… Like he was _his_ son… It cut deep.

 

Sam tore his eyes from the woman with the picnic and the wine… The perfect life that he could never give his brother…

 

The unconditional love he could give, he already did… That was not what he doubted. But a world that would accept it? No, not a shot in hell… Less than a shot in hell, he was certain; and that he would bet his life on. With his work, he was damn confident of his assessment. 

 

Even if they were just two regular, plain ol’ guys that happened to be very much in love, so deeply in love that one would give up the rest of his life for just one more year with the other… Even then, they wouldn’t be accepted.

 

And it wasn’t like Dean really cared what people thought of him, thought of his life or his life style. Let them think what they wanted, they could never imagine the pain and suffering and _saving_ that lay underneath it all, could they? Never in a million years.

 

But what pained him most was that Dean wanted a son so badly. So much that he ached for it. Sam was sure that he would love a little girl just a much –he just wouldn’t even know where to even _pretend_ to take care of a girl. And Sam could never in a million years, not with a million deals made at cross roads, not with spells, and full moons, and Friday the thirteenths and spells and chants and rituals… Not with all the money in the world could he give Dean a child.

 

“I’ve never had this dream before,” Dean said, not able to tear his eyes away from it, from her, from that dream life…

 

Sam stepped closer, unable to help the tears he felt pricking at his eye-lids.

 

He wasn’t a stupid man; he knew that if Ben had been his child… As much as Dean would have hated it (it went against the nature that had been ingrained in him) Dean would have left the world of hunting and never looked back. Not even if it meant he was losing Sam.

 

But that was probably because he thought Sam would have left it all behind along with him.

 

Sam wasn’t so sure.

 

Because it killed him to not reach out right now and stroke Dean’s cheek, to pull him in his arms, to kiss him, to _love_ him as he should be loved…

 

It was killing him, and as he watched his brother stare at this dream that would never again have the opportunity to come true… He knew he was losing his brother, knew he was lost… That he would be lost with out him.

 

Sam stepped closer again, his thoughts going a mile a minute as time slowed to a complete stand-still as he felt his heart cracking, breaking, shattering…

 

“Stop looking at me like that,” Dean said, and Sam knew he was the only one that would be able to catch the under-current of guilt and grief in the tone.

 

“Sorry,” Sam replied, unsure of if he was apologizing for intruding on this secret, or for failing his brother…

 

The dream flickered and vanished. Sam shut his eyes against the wave of sorrow that threatened to over take him. As soon as he saw her face he knew that he was losing his grip on his brother, that Dean had already lost his on his hope… 

 

And now all they could do was wait.

 

Well, save Bobby and _then_ wait. Wait until they were both lost.


End file.
